With Syracuse officially throwing its basketball season into the pooper, it's time to take a brief respite from bitching about the Orange to focusing on the world's greatest spectacle - the Olympics.The Olympics is basically crystal meth for the sports junkie. At any point from now until the end of the month, I can get my sports fix for nothing more than flipping the channel on the television up or down. It's on when I wake up, it's on when I stop off at home for lunch, and it's on lending me its warm embrace before I conk out at night.
More important than the 18-hour nature of the Olympics is that the spectacle allows us all to revel in the grace and beauty that is the world's greatest sport: curling.
Now, I don't just like curling. I love it. You see, curling is the sport for people who have no business playing sports. As the picture located in the upper right corner of this essay shows, apparently all you need to be an American olympic curler are janitorial supplies, a protruding tummy, and the ability to look like someone who had every ounce of dignity in their body stolen.
If the action on the ice sheet wasn't enough to keep you glued to the television, NBC also throws in a bonus feature to their curling coverage. Posting Don Chevrier and Don Duguid in the announcers booth, NBC has bestowed upon all of us the joy of Canada's finest commentating duo. It's a cornucopia of "oooots" and other fun Canadian butcherings of modern english.
The Americans have sent a five person men's team to Turin (I have no idea if this is a lot or not enough) comprised of individuals all from that mysterious land of ice and Doc Graham from Field of Dreams - Minnesota. The Skip this year is Pete Fenson, who will be making his first olympic appearance. He's 37 years old and owns a pizzeria in Bemidji (pronounced Buh - Who Gives a Damn).
Now, that's what I look for in an athlete! Bring home the gold, baby! Throw some agony of defeat on those punk-ass Swedes!
On the women's side, Team USA is headed up by Cassie Johnson, who is famous for not being famous. She's 24 and also from Bemidji, which now makes Bemidji more relevant in the last 20 seconds than it has been for its entire existence.
Still not excited? How about a broom controversy! First, they try to tax us without representation. Now, Britain is cheating at curling. Do they have no shame?
So, sit back and relax while you watch glorified bowling blow your mind like nothing has since table tennis did in Athens two years ago.
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