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Incoherent Friday Ramblings

Don't Let The Door Hit 'Ya Where the Good Lord Split 'Ya
It's now official: the Houston Texans will go 1-15 next season.

Not being deterred by Syracuse's vomit-inducing 2006 football campaign, new Texans head coach Gary Kubiak has brought aboard former Syracuse offensive coordinator Brian Pariani. Pariani, armed with an offensive mentality indicative of the Walter Camp-era Yale Bulldogs, has been hired to coach the tight ends down in Houston, a position he once held with the Denver Broncos when Shannon Sharpe was running his mouth up and down the field.

In a press release issued by Syracuse's office of athletics communication, Pariani provided these final parting words:

"I want to thank Syracuse University, Coach Greg Robinson, and Dr. Daryl Gross for giving me the opportunity to coach at Syracuse. Syracuse University is a fantastic school with a very rich sports tradition. I believe as players and coaches we built a new foundation for our football team this past season. With this foundation in place, I have no doubt that Greg Robinson and his staff will bring Syracuse Football back to national prominence. I learned a tremendous amount during my tenure at Syracuse. This experience will help me become a better coach and I attribute this greatly to Greg's knowledge and leadership.

"Although my job here (at Syracuse) is not finished, I have been offered the opportunity to return to coach in the National Football League and have decided to accept a position with Gary Kubiak and the Houston Texans. For 11 of my 16 years in coaching, in both San Francisco and Denver, I have worked beside Gary and we have become close friends. I'm looking forward to helping him build the Texans into a championship team. I wish the best of luck to the entire Syracuse University Football Family as they pursue their goal of being a championship team."
Before I pick this apart, I'd like to send my own little press release to Brian Pariani, care of Orange Nation:

"Thanks for nothing.

And if you and Gary lay any of the same foundation in Houston as you have here in Syracuse, I'd think about renting, not buying."
Now, back to Pariani's release. First, everyone who is remotely cognizant of Syracuse football understands that your job with the Orange wasn't complete. In fact, it's as if you never started.

Second, everyone who is remotely cognizant of Syracuse football understands that you have built a new foundation for the Orange gridders. In fact, it's so brand spanking new that I actually got it confused with a foundation I've seen before at Temple. It's too bad the basement is leaky and can't complete a 15-yard out.

Third, everyone who is remotely cognizant of Syracuse football is not sold on the fact that you learned a lot while on The Hill. If you had, why did Syracuse regress offensively from West Virginia to Louisville?

Class Dismissed
[Aside: I'd like to pat myself on the back for coming up with this awesome headline.]

National Signing Day has come and gone, thank the Lord. Greg Robinson and the Syracuse coaching staff signed a crop of 22 future student-athletes on Wednesday, with the stud of the class, receiver Andrey Baskin, being a gigantic question mark for enrolling in August.

In terms of numbers, Syracuse clearly looked to load up on the offensive side of the football. Included in the class are eight future sieves on the offensive line (here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and for the Nelly fans, herre), four receivers who will undoubtedly be diagnosed with a case of the "dropsies," and a quarterback who will have to wear the crown of a savior when he should only be asked to not throw the ball into the grass.

As a unit, the big recruiting agencies have pretty much panned Robinson's effort. has ranked Syracuse's class 51st best in the nation, with each recruiting averaging about a 2.36 rating., another participant in the slimiest profession available, has also slotted Syracuse in the much desired 51st hole. However, each recruit, according to Rivals, has averaged a 2.45 rating.

A Blog Dedicated to Lacrosse That Isn't Mine
In an effort to apparently make my blog more useless than it already is, the Post-Standard has given Donna Ditota a blog dedicated to Syracuse lacrosse.

In a recent entry, Ditota notes that Syracuse transferee Nathan Kenney will be hosting his own program on Syracuse's student-run, free-format radio station WERW. It's slated to air every Friday night from 10 PM to 1 AM Saturday morning. I have not heard the show yet, but knowing it's on WERW can only lead to the conclusion that it will be a trainwreck.

Hell, when I was hosting shows on that station my program was called "The Poon Tang Clan" and we did stupid stuff like interviews with dead people, saying Dirty Proverbs over Marvin Gaye's Let's Get it On, and letting the word "cocksucker" fly on more than one occasion.

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  • You are an idiot...
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