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Learn The Rules!

Mess with the USF Bull, you get the horns young man.
“When’s basketball season?” How many times have you heard or see this recently. Maybe seen it in your buddy’s profile. People just do not know the rules of how to deal with your team being terrible. While I myself should not be the ultimate authority on how to deal with this phenomenon (I went to two bowl games while in college, actually won one too), I know a thing or two. So, after being fed up by seeing the billionth friend put that crap in their IM profile, here are the rules for how to deal with our football team not performing up to standards.

DO write a hilarious sign and bring it while you sit in the student section.
DO NOT wave that sign in a players face as they walk across the quad. They still hit harder than you.

DO quietly curse them under your breath.
DO NOT curse them in front of co-workers that love to razz you about every little thing you do (sorry Jimmy, you decorate your cube with SU stuff and its asking your Boston College friends to mess with you. It is good you still support the team even though we suck however.).

DO ask “when is lax season starting?” We won nine championships you know.
DO NOT put that shit in your profile. What kind of fareweather fan are you? Do you not bleed orange? Et tu, Brute?

DO wear a brown bag over your head.
DO NOT only wear a brown bag over your head.

DO be upset with the effort you see before you in the Dome.
DO NOT give up rooting until the fourth quarter.

DO rock the hat of a different football team that you have always rooted for since childhood. Notice how i specified that you need to have grown up watching the team before you picked Syracuse as your college of choice.
DO NOT rock the hat of anyone we play, anyone in the Big East, or anyone on the north east (see you in Hell, Rutgers!). This especially applies if you grew up in the north east. You picked Syracuse. Accept it and move on, you are rooting for us now.

DO feel free to consume enough alcohol to make yourself feel a little better.
DO NOT drink so much that you vomit anywhere near, in, or around the Carrier Dome. You do not want to take a nap in the metal urinal in the men’s room.

DO question coaching decisions, especially vocally and discuss them with other knowledgeable football fans.
DO NOT scream “Greg Robinson is the devil. I fucking hate you. Oh my God I want to drink bleach and keel over from a massive seizure. For the love of God just make the hurting stop. I welcome the sweet release of death from this terrible, terrible football team and the misery it brings.”

DO know what personnel Greg Robinson is utilizing and, depending on the situation, question the decision.
DO NOT insist you could play better unless you are kidding. Face it, if you suited up and went out there, your ACL would last about two plays. Give up the dream buddy. High school was years ago.

DO demand an entertaining game, where at least Syracuse keeps it close even if we lose.
DO NOT overly criticize the kids. They are in college and are not professional athletes. They are paid, but only through free school. You can approach the line and step on it, but it is just classless to step over it.

DO ask “why have you forsaken us, good fortune?”
DO NOT bring a live chicken to sacrifice in the locker room to satisfy Jobu. He cannot help you hit a curve ball, he’s not going to be able to help the O Line block. Oh by the way bartender, he needs a refill.

DO always root for the Orange, and clap when they make a great play or do something well.
DO NOT flip the bird when the running back is stopped behind the line. There are kids nearby, ya dick.

DO have fun and enjoy a ballgame with your friends, even though the team is probably losing.
DO NOT, because we are losing, take a brick and hit your friend in the face. It hurts. A lot. Looking at you Jayme.

Well this is a good start. There are plenty more situations I should elaborate on, but you get the idea where the line is. The most important rule is this: real fans stay the game. No matter the weather, no matter the parking situation, if you pay for a ticket in the Dome, and are a real fan of the team, you stay the game. If you are a really good alumni, you will even stay and sing the alma mater because, first you actually know it, and second your school means that much to you. So have fun, try not to be too bitter, shotgun a beer, and remember to stay classy Syracuse!

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3 Responses to “Learn The Rules!”

  1. # Anonymous Beat Visitor

    Two posts in a row with the words "See you in Hell, Rutgers!"?

    Do you have any idea how good it feels, as an alumnus & longtime fan of the Knights, to inspire actual animus among the alumni & fans of other schools? Really, nobody has ever seriously said the words, "See you in Hell, Temple!", and nobody had ever said it about my alma mater until 2006.
    So thanks, and we'll see you in two weeks.
    http://beatvisitor.com  

  2. # Blogger Christopher

    It's West Virginia, It's West Virginia
    The Pride of every Mountaineer.
    Come on you old grads, join with us young lads,
    It's West Virginia now we cheer!
    Now is the time, boys, to make a big noise
    No matter what the people say,
    For there is naught to fear; the gang's all here,
    So hail to West Virginia, Hail

    Pray for basketball season boys.  

  3. # Anonymous Jayme

    Is it baseball season yet?

    Oh yeah... Title IX. Never mind.  

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