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Stalking Teenagers

The downfall of mankind . . . .
Chas, the legend behind the indomitable blog Pitt Sports Blather, sent me an interesting email late last week:

Hey, while trolling the Ohio papers for my other blogging duties, I came across this article out of Akron featuring a guy being recruited by 'Cuse. It concerns the rapidly growing tired story on text messaging. It includes links to his home page and such.

Syracuse head coach Greg Robinson has stated on numerous occasions that he is a new participant to the text messaging phenomenon. His staff, however, appears to have figured out the technology:

David Arnold recently flipped open his Motorola cell phone to retrieve a text message.

U're the guy we need David! Our facilities, tradition and academics are so incredible! You fit our profile and could make a huge impact! Go Orange! Coach Russ

This raises a couple of interesting issues. First, the target of the text message is Syracuse recruit David Arnold. Arnold is a 6'1", 190-pound safety out of Copley, Ohio. Syracuse will be enrolling Arnold's former teammate -- Delone Carter -- this September. Currently, Arnold is fielding offers from Akron, Illinois, Syracuse, Eastern Michigan, and Indiana.

A highlight film of the rising junior may be found on his webpage. Arnold is also keeping a diary on the Akron Beacon-Journal website. As the recruiting process is often shrouded in secrecy and message board gossip, Arnold's diary serves as an interesting expose of how Syracuse attacks the recruiting trail.

The second, non-football related issue deals with coach Russ' deplorable use of the English language. As an initial matter, the word "U're" does not exist. Its closest relative is "ure," which is defied as either:

  • A very large, powerful, and savage extinct bovine animal anciently abundant in Europe. It appears to have still existed in the time of Julius Caesar. It had very large horns, and was hardly capable of domestication; or

  • To use; to exercise; to inure; to accustom by practice.

While my retreat to the Merriam-Webster is harsh considering the grammar-allergic ways of text messaging, it does strike me as curious that Russ touts Syracuse's outstanding academic tradition while simultaneously failing to grasp the rudimentary concepts of English.

Finally, is it just me, or are there an inordinate number of exclamation points in Russ' message? This, of course, lays the perfect groundwork for a tenuously applicable Seinfeld reference:

Lippman: And, anyway I was just reading your final edit, um, there seems to be an inordinate number of exclamation points.

Elaine: Well, I felt that the writing lacked certain emotion and intensity.

Lippman: Oh, "It was damp and chilly afternoon, so I decided to put on my sweatshirt!"

Elaine: Right, well...

Lippman: You put exclamation point after sweatshirt?

Elaine: That's that's correct, I-I felt that the character doesn't like to be ch-ch-chilly...

Lippman: I see, "I pulled the lever on the machine, but the Clark bar didn't come out!" Exclamation point?

Elaine: Well, yeah, you know how frustrating that can be when you keep putting quarters and quarters in to machine and then *prrt* nothing comes out...

Lippman: Get rid of the exclamation points...

Elaine: Ok, ok ok ...

Lippman: I hate exclamation points...

Elaine: ...ok I'll just....

3 Responses to “Stalking Teenagers”

  1. # Anonymous Rob

    Good reference to Seinfeld there.  

  2. # Blogger Mr. A

    Who the hell abbreviates “You're” “U’re”?  

  3. # Blogger Matt Glaude

    The incompetency of the human race knows no bounds.  

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