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Hot Enough For 'Ya?

"It was so humid, I should've put deoderant on my balls."
- Lewis Black

Someone needs to turn down the thermostat in Connecticut. If things keep up the way they are, all us fat kids are going to ruin the burgeoning Fat American movement (or lack thereof).

Although I'm not a licensed meteorologist, I reckon that the temperature is somewhere betweeen "stupid hot" and "I'd rather sandpaper my eyeballs than walk outside." And with the heat index, the outside temperature is probably closer to "being raped by a gorilla."

Anyways, there's just a few comments I feel I should make before I head outside to be vaporized during my lunch break.

Ken Pomeroy is alive and is thinking about things that are more fun than Chuck E. Cheese on a crystal meth binge. Take that, ACC. And while you're getting all Pomerized, check out Ken's other piece which details his "parity index."

What is particularly interesting about both of these pieces (besides the fact that they are absolute fluff), is that fans, generally, have little to no proven effect on the outcome of a game. Noise, in and of itself, simply doesn't matter. It's the opponent, not the venue and dorks in facepaint. This leads to two points that need to be made:

1) Stop using the word "we" when describing your alma mater or favorite sports team. The Word of Pomeroy says that you don't matter, so can it, fatty.

and

2) Dick Vitale may give himself a brain anuerism if he ever saw this column. Thankfully, Vitale is an illiterate slug. Just like every other Seton Hall graduate.

If I don't spontaneously combust this week, I hope to sit down and apply Pomeroy's methods as to parity and home-court advantage to college football and see how things come out. By maybe mixing in some strength of schedule aspects to the foundation Pomeroy has laid, some interesting data may result.

As for things that involve numbers but aren't mind-numbingly boring, the federal government has some news. The Office of Postsecondary Education put out its latest Equity in Athletics reports and in it includes some remarkable data regarding the revenue generating power of a handful of schools. Who are the big football winners? Not Syracuse.

How is it possible that Alabama's football program generates in excess of $36 million dollars a year and yet the school is offering academic programs involving writing in the mud with a stick? I hope at least a sizable portion of this revenue is being dedicated to the study of rusted-out '84 Mustangs on residential property values.

Finally, I've stumbled on one of the great college football websites designed, at least in my understanding, to highlight mustaches and laugh at Phil Fulmer. Everyday Should Be Saturday. Nobody gives better Wanndstedt mustache coverage than these first-class dopes. The Syracuse coverage is negligible (like the Post-Standard), but it's a national blog free of self-importance and worthy of a daily perusal.

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