Because I didn't want to do real analysis
I'm sure Brian, the real brains behind the good stuff on this blog, will have a real Big East Tournament preview on its way shortly. In the meantime, I thought it would be fun to fill out my BET bracket with the wives of the head coaches. How is the winner selected for each matchup? Mostly the superficial, not gonna lie. Sometimes something completely out of left field might influence my pick. At any rate, have fun, leave comments, and be clean.
First Round
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#9 Connecticut vs. #16 DePaul - Pat Calhoun vs. Vicky Purnell: This is an intriguing matchup. We all know how bad DePaul is, but we all also know UConn's recent BET history of showing up only to lose their first game. Vicky looks like she has her act together here, so I'm going to keep the streak alive. DePaul pulls the upset over UConn and advances to the Second Round.
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#12 Seton Hall vs. #13 Rutgers - Julie Willard vs. Kerry Rice: I scoured the web and couldn't find a picture of Kerry Rice. I'm sure she's a fine lady. That said, the best picture I could find of Julie Willard also has her holding her son. Much like the actual matchup we'll see on the hardwood of MSG, this one is a toss-up. The slight edge goes to Seton Hall and Julie Willard.
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#10 Villanova vs. #15 South Florida - Patricia Wright vs. Ramona Webb-Heath: Guess where I fund Ramona's picture? Twitter. This is her Twitter avatar. Part of me wants to give her props for actually being on Twitter, but this is a pretty crappy avatar. Way to sell yourself! Patty Wright just seems wholesome, but not nearly as well-dressed as her husband. Since Wright is clearly at a game in this picture, and Webb-Heath is seemingly in a hotel room, this one goes to Villanova.
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#11 Marquette vs. #14 Providence - Corey Williams vs. Krista Davis: Let me say this: there are a lot of Corey Williams' on the internet, and I'm pretty sure none of them are married to Buzz. My guess is that the one married to buzz has never been photographed because she's been too busy getting the sweat stains out of Buzz's wardrobe. Krista Davis sort of has a Kirsten Gillibrand thing going on in this picture. Definitely could be a politician, or a politician's wife. The Friars pull the upset and move on to day two.
Second Round
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#16 DePaul vs. #8 Georgetown - Vicky Purnell vs. Monica Thompson: Could it be? Could I really pull the trigger and bring a 16-seed into the Quarterfinals? I think it's the glasses and the graying hair, but Vicky Purnell is really impressing me. Monica's dress is just too busy, and it looks like she adopted the eating habits of her husband. Plus she went to Princeton too. DePaul, you should have just been happy to be here, and now you've pulled two upsets!
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#12 Seton Hall vs. #5 St. John's - Julie Willard vs. Mary Ann Jarou: I'm sure Julie is a great wife, a great mom, and a great person. But this is no time for a 12-5 upset. Mary Ann is an actress. She's attractive. You may have seen her on How I Met Your Mother. Steve Lavin can coach, and he can also marry above his pay grade. Seems fitting that we advance St. John's to face Syracuse in the next round.
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#10 Villanova vs. #7 Cincinnati - Patricia Wright vs. Darlene Wright-Cronin: I don't make it a habit to follow the marital exploits of Big East coaches. However, my googling seemed to uncover a not-so-amicable divorce between Mick Cronin and Darlene a couple years ago. I don't believe he's remarried, so we'll stick with Darlene for sake of argument. That argument goes like this: Darlene shouldn't be pictured here; likewise, Cincy shouldn't be a 7-seed. Nova should be higher if they hadn't had that late-season collapse. This one goes to Nova.
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#14 Providence vs. #6 West Virginia - Krista Davis vs. June Huggins: Gosh, this might just be a bad picture, but goes it look like June is trying to walk the straight line for a field sobriety test? Thing is, she hasn't had a drop of alcohol. All she did was kiss Bobby before the game for good luck. I'm still liking Krista, even though this is the only picture I found of her and maybe she just looks good from this view. Providence pulls the big time upset and moves on to the Quarterfinals.
Quarterfinals
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#16 DePaul vs. #1 Pittsburgh - Vicky Purnell vs. Jacqueline Dixon: I've been hot on Vicky for a couple rounds now. Cinderella's feet are getting sore from too much dancing. In walks the fresh feet of the 1-seed, and Jackie immediately starts charming us with that smile and that haircut and those painted-on eye-brows. In other words, nothing too special here. But it definitely seems that she belongs with Jamie. I'm advancing Pitt in this one, not because I pick Jackie over Vicky, but because I want this thing to have some legitimacy: I can't have a 16 beating a 1! Even Ochocinco's bracket had the #1 winning.
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#5 St. John's vs. #4 Syracuse - Mary Ann Jarou vs. Juli Boeheim: Sometimes your Championship matchup comes in an earlier round. I'd go so far as to say that's what we have here. Mary Ann is the New Kid on the Block, while Juli has been on the scene for a while. It's also no mistake that each of the ladies have on low-cut dresses in their pictures. This is really a toss-up, and should be just as exciting as the real game will be on Thursday. But the edge here goes to Juli: she's a dedicated wife and mother, and has a philanthropic streak second to none.
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#10 Villanova vs. #2 Notre Dame - Jackie Wright vs. Tish Brey: The double-bye has treated Tish well in this tourney. She's had time to go get herself a Justin Bieber haircut and try to perfect that head-tilt and wink. So if you're into that kind of thing, head on out to South Bend. Meanwhile, after slumping in the final weeks of the season, Jackie has come on strong here in the Tourney. However, playing a third game in three days has taken its toll, and the fresh legs of Tish are paying off. Tish 2.0 is taking her talents to the Semi's tomorrow night.
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#14 Providence vs. #3 Louisville - Krista Davis vs. Joanne Pitino: Supposedly Rick Pitino is credited with setting up Jim & Juli Boeheim. Evidently Jim didn't return the favor. I'll give Joanne credit for wearing that outfit as if she's 30. But she's not. But you have to give me credit for not putting his mistress's picture up there. I mean, I do have to have some sense of decency! The on-fire legs of Krista still seem to be getting the job done. Onto the Semi's she goes!
Semifinals
vs. #1 Pittsburgh vs. #4 Syracuse - Jackie Dixon vs. Juli Boeheim: Two words. Come on! Juli wants an auto-bid for dancing, and we all know she knows how to dance. Jackie, we're pretty sure, just knows how to hold her wrist. Send Juli onto the finals!
vs. #2 Notre Dame vs. #14 Providence - Tish Brey vs. Krista Davis: This is about as intriguing a 2-14 matchup as you could imagine. Providence is just riding on Cloud Nine at this point, while Notre Dame has just gotten her feet wet. Tish has that boyish charm, while Krista has that air of mystery. This one goes into overtime, and although she's clearly getting winded, Krista holds on for the late victory to send her to the finals.
Finals
vs. #4 Syracuse vs. #14 Providence - Juli Boeheim vs. Krista Davis: First let's break down each team's flaws. What could make Juli look better? If I hadn't cropped Jimmy out of her picture. You may notice him trying to flash the shocker. What could have made Krista better? The other side of her face, maybe more of her body. As I said above, a lot of mystery about her. Juli is no mystery. No enigma. What you see is what you get. And it's all good. Krista at this point simply ran out of steam. She may have had a fighting change had she not gone to overtime against Tish last night. The Big East Tournament crown goes to Juli Boeheim and Syracuse!
Thanks for joining us for this fun little piece. Obviously this was done as a fun thing, and should not be construed as a personal attack on any coach or their wives. The wives help make the coach, and to be a Big East coach, you must have done something right in your life. So, kudos, Big East wives! You're all winners in my book. Juli especially.
Labels: Big East Tournament, Satire, WAGs
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