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Hardwood Anglers Fishing Tournament

Next in the list of "Outrageous Emails sent by the SU Athletics Department" is this gem above. It is advertising the 1st Annual Hardwood Anglers Fishing Tournament. If you're up for a charity fishing event in the Thousand Islands featuring some notables from the basketball team, and have the ability to not work on a Wednesday in September, then this event is for you!

From what I can gather, you and three of your friends have the ability to hop in a boat with an SU celebrity and compete for prizes for first fish caught, most fish, and largest fish. We here at Orange::44, as a public service to our valued readers (all of whom I assume are avid fishermen or fisherwomen and have large sums of cash on hand), have decided to bring you the Way Too Early Scouting Report for which celebrity you should choose.

Jim Boeheim - While he may excel at coaching, free throw shooting, golfing, and choosing trophy wives, fishing appears to not be a forte for our beloved coach. Not one to sit in a boat on the lake with a 12-pack, Boeheim might not fully grasp the concept of fishing. If you do choose Coach, however, be sure you don't have any SONAR equipment on board; he's liable to smack it like a microphone if he doesn't like the noise it emits.

Bernie Fine - Clearly the dark horse pick in the draft. Who can't picture this guy wearing a bucket hat and a fly fishing vest? And forget about the 12-pack. He needs a cube. Maybe even a beer ball or a quarter keg. Just make sure he stays seated. 34 years sitting next to Boeheim on the bench and he hasn't rocked the boat, so don't let him do it now!

Mike Hopkins - Hop may be athletic. Hop may be smart. Hop may be quick on his feet. None of these matter when it comes to fishing. But Hop is one more thing; Hop is a dad. If you and your friends know nothing about fishing, Hop is probably your pick. He'll sit you down and explain the finer points of how to put a worm on a hook, how to cast your line, and how to reel it in. Even if he has no idea how. Because that's what dads do. You may not win any trophies with Hop, but he'll take you out for ice cream afterwards. Make sure he washes his hands, though, after you make him hook your worm.

Gerry McNamara - Odds on Favorite to win this thing. Gerry is an avid fisherman. Instead of hooping it up during the off season, he'd sit in the boat with his dad to pass the time. It's true. Look it up. Fish with Gerry. I promise you'll win.

Lazarus Sims - Really? I mean, I don't wanna be that guy, but really? How many former Harlem Globetrotters do you see fishing? Granted, I was impressed seeing Flight Time & Big Easy on The Amazing Race recently, but I don't remember seeing them fishing. Or talking about fishing. But what do I know? I mean, let's face it. This is a limited list of celebrities. He's on it. Either he drew the short stick, or he's got mad fishing skills that people wouldn't expect. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Mine That Bird, 50-1 longshot odds.

Very conspicuously omitted from the celebrity list? I don't even have to say his name. I'm sure he'll be present for the trophy ceremony and for that big media event when they display the oversized check to the Jobs Program.

In all honesty, though, if any of our readers is actually planning on participating in this event, please let us know. I'm thoroughly intrigued.

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