FanHouse: Your College Football Overlord
We're all pimping tons of material over at the FanHouse now that college football season has begun. If you're curious to see my pointless contributions, you can check out my catalogue here. (And yes, the moustache photo is in jest; if it were for realsies, Chris Hansen would be knocking on my door.)
Nunes/Magician: Toronto or Bust!
The goal for this season, at least according to Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician, is for Syracuse to secure a bid to the International Bowl. Given the Orange's effort last night, however, that might be setting the bar six wins too high.
I'll say this: If Syracuse gets invited to the International Bowl, I will go to Canada to watch the game dressed in a gorilla costume. This is my pact with you, America. Matt Glaude in a gorilla costume. In Canada.
Make it happen, Greg Robinson.
Report Card - Washington
An extended report card is usually in order, but given the piss-poor effort from the Orange last night, I will, in turn, half-ass my way through an assessment
Offense: D-
The offensive line hates football. Curtis Brinkley is not, in fact, the balls. Taj Smith and Mike Williams are good, but the offensive line does not give Andrew Robinson the time to throw them the ball. Speaking of Robinson, he looks not terrible, which should inevitably lead to a mid-season injury cementing Syracuse's cellar dwelling position.
Defense: D
Jake Locker is not Superman. Neither is Louis Rankin. But the Orange defense made them look superhuman Friday night.
Nice job, dopes.
Special Teams: B+
Patrick Shadle is fat. Not chubby, not jolly. Fat. F-A-T. And yet he is the balls at field goals.
The kickoff unit did not ruin my life. That, in and of itself, requires parades and prolonged feting.
Rob Long -- he of a 48.5 yard punting average -- is this year's new man crush. There is a good chance that he out-punts the Syracuse offense this season.
Coaching: D
Pop Warner Offense + Halftime Adjustments that Adjusted Negatively = Academic Probation.
We're all pimping tons of material over at the FanHouse now that college football season has begun. If you're curious to see my pointless contributions, you can check out my catalogue here. (And yes, the moustache photo is in jest; if it were for realsies, Chris Hansen would be knocking on my door.)
Nunes/Magician: Toronto or Bust!
The goal for this season, at least according to Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician, is for Syracuse to secure a bid to the International Bowl. Given the Orange's effort last night, however, that might be setting the bar six wins too high.
I'll say this: If Syracuse gets invited to the International Bowl, I will go to Canada to watch the game dressed in a gorilla costume. This is my pact with you, America. Matt Glaude in a gorilla costume. In Canada.
Make it happen, Greg Robinson.
Report Card - Washington
An extended report card is usually in order, but given the piss-poor effort from the Orange last night, I will, in turn, half-ass my way through an assessment
Offense: D-
The offensive line hates football. Curtis Brinkley is not, in fact, the balls. Taj Smith and Mike Williams are good, but the offensive line does not give Andrew Robinson the time to throw them the ball. Speaking of Robinson, he looks not terrible, which should inevitably lead to a mid-season injury cementing Syracuse's cellar dwelling position.
Defense: D
Jake Locker is not Superman. Neither is Louis Rankin. But the Orange defense made them look superhuman Friday night.
Nice job, dopes.
Special Teams: B+
Patrick Shadle is fat. Not chubby, not jolly. Fat. F-A-T. And yet he is the balls at field goals.
The kickoff unit did not ruin my life. That, in and of itself, requires parades and prolonged feting.
Rob Long -- he of a 48.5 yard punting average -- is this year's new man crush. There is a good chance that he out-punts the Syracuse offense this season.
Coaching: D
Pop Warner Offense + Halftime Adjustments that Adjusted Negatively = Academic Probation.
Labels: Football
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